By Claire Casey
1. Hannah and Andre have been dating
for 2 years. They've talked about getting married. She even thinks he's been
pricing some rings...
2. Elisa and Malik are like the “old
couple” among their friends – they've been together now for 5 years, and even
though they haven't ever discussed marriage, she isn't seeing other guys. She
refers to him as “my partner” and they have a vibrant sex life.
3. Jasmin and Darren started seeing
each other about 4 months ago, and are ecstatically in love. They talk on the
phone multiple times every day, and go out on a date several times a week. Last
week he moved in with her.
Wait! Before you tell me which of
the guys in these three relationships do you think is cheating, let me tell you
this: Every single one of those guys is seeing other women.
Does that surprise you? Make you
angry?
Before you start throwing things
(and for the record, I just made those three couples up, and I realize I didn't
give you much information to go on) you should know: the reason I ask is
because I think this is an issue that crops up ALL THE TIME for women, and
there's a huge issue underneath the word “cheating”... And THAT'S the real
issue we need to discuss...
How most women define cheating
Most women would tell you
that if two people are “together” and one of them “sees” other people, that's
cheating. I'm not convinced there's even one guy in the world who would agree
with that definition, though.
And here's why THAT is really,
really bad for all the women in the world.
When a woman has that definition of
cheating, she often completely gives over her life to a man who isn't doing the
same. In other words, he's “won” her and may now either a) lose interest, or b)
enjoy and keep all the “benefits” of a relationship with her but never make a
commitment, even though she's made a commitment to him.
If you hope for and want to be
married someday, you could lose years of your life this way, waiting for a man
who isn't waiting for you.
So how SHOULD you define cheating?
In my world, “cheating” is a word
reserved only for two situations.
First, where two people have made a clear
and explicit agreement to date only each other and one of them breaks that
agreement.
And second, in a marriage when one
person “dates” (meaning sees because they're sexually or deeply emotionally
interested in) another.
Why you should (both) date other people until you are (both) ready to commit
There's a big difference between
dating and exclusivity. If you are a woman who is seeking a committed,
exclusive relationship or marriage, one of the best things you could do to
secure a commitment is to NOT be so easily won!
I'm not at all saying “play hard to
get” – I'm saying look for the man who is going to commit, and don't stop
looking until you find him!
This actually not only keeps you
from losing years of your life with a man who isn't going to commit, it also
makes you extremely desirable among men!
How to get him to commit to you
First, you need to clearly
communicate (and this is delicate, and I talk more about it in “Capture His Heart and Make Him Love You Forever”)exactly how long you're willing to date without a commitment.
Then, you need keep dating other
guys until the two of you explicitly agree to be exclusive.
I know it's hard to spend time
seeing, spending time with, and enjoying other guys when all you want is to
fall happily into the arms of this one particular man, but until you two agree
that you are each other's “only and forever,” that's the best path toward your
dreams.
How to make him BEG you to be his (and his only!)
If you're sick of "Bad
Boys," "Players," and guys
who just won't commit, you need to go watch this
new video renowned relationship expert Michael Fiore put up.
It's called "3 Steps To Make A Man Love You" and
it teaches you how to make a man not just "fall"
for a you... But to actually
make
him obsessed with you so HE decides he WANTS to be serious...
Michael lays out the absolute truth
about what men
really
want and need from a woman for them to be able
to give EVERYTHING to her... (In fact, he flat out tells you
how his girlfriend captured his heart
and made him fall for her HARD even though
he was "playing the field" and thought he'd never
settle down.)
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